New life

2009-11-07T23:53:00.000-08:00

This is the saddest part of my life.
i've never met with a broken heart til now.
love, i'm so afraid. I'm scared to lose thing, and now i lost.
To me its hard for me fall in love, hardest to fall out of love.

i remain faithful. i think it sure takes very very.... long to heal. very long forget somebody, hardest-est to love someone else.

nevertheless. the matter of fact ... is there. even though i may insist you are the girl i love the most on earth, now, later and sure for a long period of time.

bye blogspot.

2009-09-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

One thing I always hope to see, is that im the reason to make you smile , im the reason to make you feel touched, im the only reason that you have the motivation for each day.

I always wish i could be as such.

Am i ?

2009-09-05T01:10:00.000-07:00

Everything has to begin to end.
Everyone changes from beginning til the end.
Every matter has it transition over the time, good or bad , heart breaking or not , logical or not , its not upap to control , its just this way , it just happens the way fates want it to happen.
Things are beyond my control , i've weakened , i'm no longer strong , i'm lost , i really don't know what to do, how i wish i know, how i wish things would turn out to be better ,but it seems like apparently not.
Such post has no meaning, cos it only means something to someone like me.

Is the things truthful now?
Has things changed?
Why things became like these?
Why can't things be solved?

Many whys? nothing will be solved i think. its all in the mental strength in me.

Can i do it?

2009-05-23T19:27:00.001-07:00

I'm right , i have to see a psychiatrist soon. I'm unofficially declare that I am mentally ill-ed. I was trying hard(too hard) so that thing would't leave me , it was all me. Now i have no sense of security.

Just let me die. natural death seems quite fun right.

2009-05-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

at this moment , i realized i have no right.
And now I'm down with a really bad headache and i feel like vomiting , nobody's here to show their care and concern. Am i signaled or rather attracted to negative things to happen to me no matter what? I had a bad headache , i went to sleep holding on to my hand phone ,setting a vibration mode for my hand phone so that it does wake me up. i got wake by a fright out of sudden, checked my hand phone and what i got again is blame, leaving me alone and whatever you can call. i don't know what to say, but how many times i have made myself uncontactable intentionally? once.many a times i was left uncontactable for the reason of full day lethagicness as well as insufficient rest where i simply dozed off for no reason. you send that message, it doesn't make me happier, i called you you said you wanted to sleep, then i became to have flashback on whats happening in the past, yet i shouldn't.

i didn't know things would be so hard and so complex. i commit myself so much and i desired just a little love peace and stability. why just i can't?

2009-04-24T11:07:00.001-07:00

Tell me that I'm useless. I just realized that I''m not a good man that can be confide on and cheer you up when you are sad and upset with things that can't be said.

Now i know, working hard still needs some inherit genes that prove your success to be a good businessman , a great lawyer , a renowned doctor as well as a good boyfriend.

Sometime i wish i could be the one that makes you smile and cheer you up when you are really upset. Sometime i hope that when things trouble you, I'm there to give you support, sometime i felt so fed-up with myself that i can't do all that I've mentioned to you.

What the hell am i living in this world, how the hell can i control my emotion so that i can cheer you up! i fucking useless. fucking useless bastard.

let me die,so much reasons.

2009-04-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Things have been really great these days. Great accompany, least argument , love it love you. For this special moment, we want to dedicate my love to you, i hope that our love stays strong,feeling remains unchanged and great life and time spent between us.I believe we can do it , understanding one another's problems, accepting each other flaws and making sure that one another is feeling great.

love you

2009-04-07T20:16:00.001-07:00

phobia phobia phobia.

I know i'm still someone that can outwit many, i know i still have the ability to execute tasks.
But in many areas , my confidence reached the lowest, thats not gonna affect my ability , only my mood.

2009-04-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

i declare, I'm one of the worst guy on earth. i thinking about over and over again, i see "newpaper" articles somewhat related to what i have done. No matter what good deeds, things or matters i have been committed , i feel that once i done it, nothing can rescue the miserable actions i have made.

I'm long for being a man. I'm no longer a gentleman.

Nothing goes my way. Pardon me for being emo, i used to know what I'm emo about, now i think that i really don't know anything, really , i don't know anything, is it all the things pile up and turned up to be confusing that i need to organize it slowly or i have turned into a crazy crazy mad weekok!.

Sometime when i got so down, I do thought of killing myself , many times, then i realized how much things i have not done, how much i have not repay back to my parents. i used to tell my mum when i was young, "ma, next time if i earn 3000 per month, i will give 1000 to you , 1000 to daddy and i will keep the last thousand". Ma, that promise still exist , i always wanted to make you proud after making you "shameful-for-having-a-naughty-weekok" every time we visit on cny day 1. That time i told my mum , "ma, i want to be the first and ya, probably I'm the only boy that possibly able to get a local university for you to be proud of the next cny where we visit our relatives". All these promises, mummy and daddy, i have been working real hard all my life so that i can be someone that you can be proud of, i can be someone that makes you both to be really happy upon mentioning me or bringing out.
i can't end my life so early , not before my parents still alive , i just want them to enjoy the luxurious life that I've been working hard for them. I know i have never been the smartest kid in town,not the sweetest child to mum and dad, not the best sibling to my brother and sisters but they are the one that i cared for most.

I'm falling back to square one and falling apart from who I am. I'm hot temper, I lose control easily, I think ALOT , I have used up all my tears, I used up all my luck.

Nothing goes my way. God , To let me stay alive , please help me make everything be fine for me, make things easier for me, I'm still a kid in heart , I'm childish, i can't handle difficult task, I'm useless, make things easier for me so that i can climb up the ladder gradually. Someday , god , i will reach to you , thank you for all the help you have given to me if you ever help me bypass this life downlow.

I love family n you

2009-04-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

Do i need to consult a psychiatrist? Thinking why my temper has become so bad that i insanely e equate myself with zero emotional intelligence. If i don't see a psychiatrist, will i commit suicide while sleepwalk?

Didn't buy any new things all thesewhile. If i ever earn back all the money, i would buy myself a new mp3 because my ipod has spoilt, a new branded wallet, a new watch from LV, a nice small bag that i can carry around casually,more new clothes and also spending on entertainments that i enjoyed most. But meanwhile, yes , none of it are checked, or won't be checked any sooner. Whatever it is, i hope that things would turn out better for me. or at the least, be better.

Haven't been talking to my parents, i would say family is the one that i can always confide on whenever i have any problems, even if they can't solve it, whenever they are by my side, i feel that things would be eventually alright. Although my family is not as rich , however , i always have what i want to have, sometime beyond their financial ability, they would also dote me so that i will be happy. look at how many overseas trips, halfway music lesson they paid for me cause i used up all my savings,sometime when I'm super duper poor and desperate to get something for myself,i just had to complain about how pathetic i am and they would fork it up without questioning, sending me to very far places despite being busy and tired, unconditionally pay attention to me and providing the best to me, understanding my stress and tiredness and making sure that all of us get the what we want. Seriously, i do think that my parent has been the best parent on earth. i swear by that, cause seriously, all the love they gave me was unconditional. No matter how i failed in life in the past , how bad i got as a person and eventually turned out to be a better person, they still never failed to treat me as good , or even with the best.

I found myself fortunate, to be in such family, with great brains, great hearts and great loves. A family that i couldn't ask for more. Anyhow, if i reincarnate, i hope that my surname still remains as toh, my mum still has the same name of neo and i got 2 sisters and 1 brother.

Love my family indefinitely and infinity

love you eternity

2009-04-01T07:47:00.001-07:00

its only a few hours , yet i can't take the pain. Whats more with days months and years.
crying is numbing the pain , pains will get back soon, killing is avoidance for pain , yet consequently nothing you would get

2009-04-01T07:10:00.000-07:00

:''(

Don't think i could sleep tonight. I want to make myself less soulless, yet i can't
walking down every corners, i feel very lethagic with every steps, i feel very lonely for every moments i could think of after today , i feel that the world is against me.

They say face it , its hard , not easy and really difficult for me.

But its a fact that i can't change , its the fault that i need to undertake , its the punishment that i need to undergo and whats next?

lonliness.

2009-03-31T07:18:00.000-07:00

telling myself I'm not emo, i was and now I am yet again.

then again i asking myself, where are the changes i have made to myself for the past few-many years? Are the bad-turn-good turned good-turn-bad. Have i changed? Have i changed for the worst that people might adhor. Why do i become so worked-up even at the trivial-est matter. yea yea, down to EQ , but EQ is proven to be grew as we lead our life, or could weaken as our life continues, therefore, even if my EQ drops to the until minimum level, i believe i do. I stop trusting myself , I have became to sceptic on my ability , I have low confidence in things around me and i feel that future became so much gloomier. Can i be believed, Can i make people believe?

Give me the confident, anyone? make me more confident in things around me and myself.

That aside, This morning, i woke up ,preparing to meet up for a job interview. The "between-time" has kept me thinking about one thing. The difference between legal/law and love is that legal/laws are bound by contract, breach of contract may result in compensation for lost. Therefore, people who are bound by legals/legistration will not want to breach it cause they will have some monetary loss or maybe loss of freedom(JAILED)

But for love , its all bound to promise. two person made promises to one another, nobody mediates the process by which two people "offically" get together, it's still bound by the promise made by both parties,both parties have a set of promises, not executing and keeping the promises will lead to disappointment, and tada tada tada. But you know what, the one big difference is that in love , we do not want to "break" or "breach" because we unconditionally want to give, because we do love the process, not because breaking it or a breach of the "promise" may result in some form of punishment.

So whats determined if love promises are effective instead of just a -sayingforthesakeofit-because it has no punishment? Its the Love that kept promises effective.

However, me myself have been breaking promises all over and over again, tell me , who can ever trust me? sigh can you trust me my dear?i will always want to trust you.

2009-03-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever dream of having a billion dollar?
Then what will you do with these seemingly huge sum of money?

I would have to have a grand car that i can drive my love ones with me whenever I'm free, making sure that they are happy and comfortable. Then i would like to give my family a good life now so that they won't have to worry so much about money and focus more on their health, happiness rather than a simplicity world that sought out for wealth. I want to make luxurious products no longer a luxury, perhaps a shopping/necessity goods?

I also want live a big house that accommodates my family and the own family. It has to be 3 times bigger than my existing house. I want to give money to my parents to spend on things and activities they like, i want them to be the proudest parents ever live on earth, also , health , i have to emphasize again , i want them to have the most luxurious,healthy and nutritious meals every single day served by servant and maid.

Its a big dream , i know , but i hope that for the subsequent years to come, i hope i will enrich my life with fulfilling activities that will stimulate the process of earning a billion , ok la , million dollar , not forgetting balancing my life with my loves one!

I'm inspired, really inspired, how about you?

2009-03-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

If angel has the greatest smile , you're the angel
If sugar is the sweetest thing , you're extra dose of sugar
If love is greatest with 5 letters name, you gave the greatest love

I love you

Time got to change , people got to change , we bound to change , but there are somethings that both of us never want to change. That's the memories we have had and also the simple yet fruitful time we spent. Awesome. muack

2009-03-24T11:03:00.000-07:00

The lesson I've learned ,
Just a little understanding of you, everything would be fine :)

Understanding is more than just understanding their behaviors, their intention, the way their talk and its implicit meaning, their body languages and its style.

You have taught me a lot of things in life. You taught me how to love people(especially you), You exposed my weakness of dealing with emotional duress and let me understanding it early so that I've to change for good real soon, You taught me how to care for people regardless of what, You taught me that understanding one another is important in life to achieve a higher level than a "less effective ways" known as compromising and giving in,

You've taught me a lot,i thank you for every single and moments that I've been spending with you, although things haven't been simple these while, we fought through hard , we fought with our tears many a times, never give up in ourselves cause we know that we want to keep us together, we know we are(or at the very least I'm) very happy together when we spend our time together,we know the importance of one another, that's why we are still holding on to one another.

you gave a new meaning to that single word , you gave another new meaning for a simple formation of 4 letters, you also gave another meaning by making including you and me into the definition of the one word four letters.

We know that future will meet up soon, with new challenges , new huddles , new problems and also umpteenth unprecedented incidents that might not be something that we would want it to happen, however , i just promise that i will hold on to you no matter what, cause knowing you is a bless, loving is fortunate,holding on to you forever has been my dream, owning you as my one and only is my fantasy and building up you and my futures will definitely be perfect.

I just want to be with you, we fight on for ourselves , cause we've been through so much, cause we deserve better. I love you

"No-one else can make me feel
the colors that you bring .
Stay with me while we grow old
and we will live each day in springtime.
'Cause loving you
has made my life so beautifull,
and everyday of my life
is filled with loving you"

2009-03-23T11:18:00.001-07:00

miss me ?

i miss you like what. hais

2009-03-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know whats have gotten into me. I don't even know what happen. Losing thing is not the easiest thing on earth,losing one of the most important thing in life is devastating. Sometime, we want a choice, to grab ,fought hard and hoping to keep it forever, easy said,how to do it?

2009-03-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

Its 4.15am.

I can't sleep.

i miss you

2009-03-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

心痛:(

你总是这样说我
像一颗不容易溶化的糖果
带我见你的朋友
又很得意地埋怨我沈默
你追问我的行踪
你在乎我的举动
哄得我泪眼迷蒙
做些事情让我被感动
望著你突然一阵心痛
一次又一次任那感情放纵
你的脆弱让我走不开
你的依赖所以我存在
想著你还是想到心痛
期待我做的将来你都会懂
有一天真如我
有一天
但愿我还在你记忆中

Its a sleepless night.

2009-03-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to spend the rest of my time prior anything to be with you.

can i?

2009-02-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

Its our love that keeps us going,
Its our love that overcomes our emotion,
Its our love that makes differences similar,

Love, A strong,spiritual yet special letters that instill a common belief among both of us since the day we got together til now.

Believe it or not , it will,shall,should never fade away, or never will i want it to be so.

We will stay happy as ever alright?

You will keep using the magic 4 letter spell to cast me,so that i will dote you,love you and stand by you all the time right?

I just simply love you. do you love me too?

:)

2009-02-05T10:57:00.000-08:00

Nothing can contain my saddness.

When all songs became to make sense, i'd come to sense

It was the meaningful quote that i stay on to,even til now

"the true definition of love is about giving and not expecting or taking"

that's so true. If parties are giving,ain't them should be smiling and happy?

If giving is not in the context, then whats equivalent can one give to replace the importance of
"giving and sharing".

I've learn so much nowadays. I've understand what sollow actually is. I've became to come into knowledge that when life doesn't go your way, blame yourself, when things went wrong, blame yourself,when things turn sour,blame yourself, cause if yourself could have control the matter, ratifying soon enough, solving it prompt enough, shouldn't a problem not be a problem?

Then come back to it.
why am i so pessimistic about life

2009-02-05T10:43:00.001-08:00

my heart is crying,when nobody knows why is it.

only i do. yet i resistance to stop it.

2009-02-03T08:11:00.001-08:00

msn can't sign in.

i feel so vexed and i don't know why.
my brain is not working, my emotional is running wild.
why can't i be perfect? why can't i be? why?

where is the confident weekok we and i have known of?

2009-01-31T08:11:00.000-08:00

fuck.
ignore me,
can't even keep my promise.

2009-01-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

Yea weekok is a big-mouth. Don't trust him. DON'T

2009-01-26T10:04:00.001-08:00

lousy to be. nothing you can expect what

2009-01-25T01:09:00.001-08:00

Have you ever why are all the sentimental songs written in such manner?

Sometimes,You are not the one that can change the things, cause it takes 2 to solve , one to break

我陷在爱里面,

渐渐疲惫的脸.

彷佛是退不出,

又走不进你的世界.

我陷在爱里面,

是谁停住时间.

越过了重重的心墙,

有一整片蓝天.

Why you feel you can't be the best , can you ever contribute what it supposed to be

2009-01-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

i lost it, just like that?

hais.

2009-01-16T23:20:00.000-08:00

I'm feel so sorry to let myself ruin the enjoyabe life you had in the past simply by just entering your life.

You shed the tears so often,you feel bored so frequently,you just seem to be unhappy.

with that i wonder, will you be smiling brightly and cheerfully from the buttom of your heart when I'm around or rather am I just intercepting your life and making your life miserable amist the fact that you've forgotten that I'm the one causing yourself ache with misery and have never been the one that could deliver happiness to you.

now i rather see you happy and smiling , saying i'm having a perfect life rather than keeping you by my side yet what you could only have is tears,saddness,misery and boredom.

you've to stay happy because thats the only reason i can find to have myself smiling.

2009-01-13T08:28:00.001-08:00

weekok,

si bai ah si bai.

Sigh.

2009-01-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

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2009-01-07T22:48:00.000-08:00

I just love how you look
I just love the way you smile
I just love the time we spend
I just love the every single bits of thing we do together
Good or bad
I love it , cause we shared the time together
We share the taste as one
I just love you

2009-01-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

Couldn't sign in to my msn.

Hope and pray that you get well soon.

Since I'd been trying to sign in and yet failed since 12495345934mins, i shall go for my skipping now.

ciao and try again later

2009-01-05T07:14:00.001-08:00

God bless.

May things be with me.

2009-01-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

I'm with you all the time. No matter how bad the situation you face , i will stand by you , doing whatever i can do freed yourself from any compressed and intense situation. trust me, i'm here

2009-01-03T06:58:00.003-08:00

Its great to see you are alright.
Lets continue our journey and hope nothing breaks us apart again ok?

:)

2009-01-03T03:25:00.000-08:00

If somebody could know how i feel the entire day.

2009-01-03T03:10:00.001-08:00

天真的守著
相爱承诺的话

2009-01-03T03:02:00.000-08:00

you just leave like that. How about me ? feeling really depressed. have you thought about how i feel when you leave without a word for me ? why you don't know how much i need you , how much i want you. hais

你还爱我吗?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FNnqxly0Bo

2009-01-03T01:12:00.001-08:00

I'm at your house void deck now. Trying my luck

5.12pm

2009-01-03T01:09:00.001-08:00

I'm at your house void deck.

2009-01-02T19:02:00.001-08:00

I shall show my entry.
I hope you're Ok by today , i was really really really worried last night. I hope things will be fine between both of us. Causing seeing you happy make me smile too.

2009-01-02T07:13:00.001-08:00

I really don't know what i did that can make you speechless yet again.
I now have a phobia to come close to you , i'm afraid of rejection again.

tell me when you are ready to fulfill what you had promised.I always listening yet i'm always guessing.

what have i done wrong againnn

2009-01-02T00:07:00.000-08:00

I want us to love one another more.
I hope
I need

we can

2009-01-01T01:24:00.001-08:00

just hope everything is fine for you. dearly

2008-12-31T23:20:00.001-08:00

爱爱上了一个人
能够为她牺牲
就算付出了生命
我甘心为了你
两个人在一起
分享爱的命运
永远都不会忘记
我们生活点滴
你是我最深爱的女人
你有最美丽的嘴唇
你拥有最动人的眼神
你带给我幸福和快乐
我是你最深爱的男人
我的爱绝对是永恒
做什么都值得
爱上了一个人
两个人在一起
分享爱的命运
永远都不会忘记
我们生活点滴
你是我最深爱的女人
你有最美丽的嘴唇
你拥有最动人的眼神
你带给我幸福和快乐
我是你最深爱的男人
我的爱绝对是永恒
做什么都值得
爱上了一个人
你是我最深爱的女人
你有最美丽的嘴唇
你拥有最动人的眼神
你带给我幸福和快乐
我是你最深爱的男人
我的爱绝对是永恒
做什么都值得
爱上了一个人

2008-12-31T22:56:00.000-08:00

i can't keep myself online.
Cuz it really made me think of you.

your msn, your blog

I can't keep my hp with me

Cuz i don't know if when you are going to contact me again.

I'm feel really really really. hais

2008-12-31T22:49:00.001-08:00

its a test , between us , that is torturing me.

2008-12-31T22:39:00.001-08:00

Tell me what to do when I'm struck , I'm lost and i can't help others?

2008-12-31T22:17:00.000-08:00

Although its less than 24hours.less than 12 hours. Less than 6 hours since we last met. and i know this time its gonna be a long time we gonna see/talk/feel each other.

I'm really feeling I'm losing something.

Sigh. ok nvm hais

god please help us.

2008-12-31T22:07:00.000-08:00

I felt that things are beyond my control
I'm afraid to lose the love we used to have
I'm just worried about every single thing that comes across about you
When will you be OK? When will i see you? How can i make you feel better?

I feel really sorry. cuz it was too sudden for a fact , too sudden for me to accept.

If you see this , i want to say , sorry to you. really sorry. i know words can't replace anything. can't replace your true happiness. But sigh.

Slap me.

2008-12-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

The two things. Trust, assurance and communicating

Tell me , tell me , tell me, weren't all that the fundamentals of all love? Or they are just things that I'm demanding from others?

I' m not telling whats love. I just feel that i lost touched with it so long that i really don't know what am i doing pressurizing the counterpart or maintaining and managing the fundamentals?

Can god tell me? give me an answer.

Sigh

2008-12-29T10:06:00.000-08:00

Thank you friends for concern. I will reply you all once i'm really really ok. Sorry

2008-12-29T09:41:00.000-08:00

tell me how to be optimistic like this?

2008-12-29T08:27:00.001-08:00

fucking sad

2008-12-29T07:59:00.001-08:00

hais fuck

2008-12-29T00:24:00.001-08:00

This is the first time i felt really lost.
I'm too afraid to face reality.
Am i really that much to be weakened now?
What should i do?
What can i do?
Why kept sighing?
How should things be solved?
I don't know.
There's something that is pressurizing my heart,
It wrenches like nobody business.

The deeper you fall , the greater the impact.
Was it deep ? Or was i weak?
i can't differentiate already.
When can i be strong again?
What are the things that are within my capability.
Am i on the right track? What does it meant by being on the right track? Is there such thing?

Ya. Many questions? Not really , its only 1 lil' pixel of the mega pixel.

God. Give me an answer. Never have i been so lost. never

2008-12-28T19:29:00.000-08:00

feel so sad.

2008-12-28T18:44:00.000-08:00

Hais. Totally no mood to be.

hais. why why why?

2008-12-28T10:27:00.000-08:00

my heart wrenched.
Its more than a pinch , more than a bite , much more than a slash.

Sigh. Do you still need me?

2008-12-28T01:10:00.000-08:00

i miss you

2008-12-27T22:57:00.001-08:00

At the workplace from one til now. Killing time here and did two transactions. Now I have the craving for japanese foods. Yummy , Sushi , Sashimi and Unagi. Lovely.

Boring Boring Boring, The aircon here is really cold , Off the Air Con , Its stuffy. hmmm.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. hais

2008-12-27T21:16:00.000-08:00

Before i get started, See the advertorial above? Click on it please my love ones! Make me happy by increasing the click counts! Thank you.

Few years ago, I was still playing happily around , like a little kid. Now, I'm anticipating for all unprecedence. Never do i want to think too much , neither do i want to think THAT much. Its all in my blood, at least for now. What will i be ten years down the road? Who will i be then? How will i do then? Are my friends now still the same in future? Are they doing as well , even better or really bad? Will i be happy ? Will my counterpart be happy too? Can i control who i want to be with now so that they will be with through this imaginary "advance" journey that I'm having now?

Thats so much of a ranting.

Can i be happier? can life be easier?

Can i ? Can it be ?

2008-12-27T11:23:00.000-08:00

When you face problem alone. That's the real test to be

2008-12-26T10:53:00.000-08:00

when i can't make you happy , for real.

what's more can i give?

2008-12-26T10:43:00.000-08:00

Different people have different roles in their life.
What ones hope , is to play their role well. Isn't it ?

I'm not otherwise.

2008-12-26T10:14:00.001-08:00

i love you

2008-12-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

sometime the only wish you have , is to have somebody that's willing and full heart-edly want to walk close to you, accompany you through all troubles , sharing all your happiness and treats you with utmost sincerity.
Isn't it ?

2008-12-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

Have you ever tot about these? And its really getting into your nerves,basically you've no control of the things happening around you.Also, I've slowly accept the fact that I'm a perfectionist,but a perfectionist that wants to be the best.
An ego-filling together with perfectionism, its gonna kill sometime. I mean it gonna kills me. There was this Chinese that goes like this " Tou mei zhe me da , bu yao dai zhe me da de mao zi", i believe its something like that lar, but the gist of it is there. How i wish my head is big enough(OK not literally) so that i can fit into whatever people like and wo-ha about.

I don't know if things gonna change in the future , i don't know if time will be by my side the next time , i don't know if happiness follows me each steps i go , i don't know if i will be satisfied with my next-stage-of-life. However , Whatever I've been doing all along,or probably all these time , all that were to stop the change,pulling happiness with me,control what life will be like for me and really be super satisfied and pleased with my life in future.

I know I've been stumbling throughout my 2.5 and going 3 years of tertiary life, not academically though,not friendship though , but its sometime that can be spelt out but I've chosen not to. Little do i want things to be this way,I felt really tired through these 3 years because i can't get what i used to able to get , i hooked on the wrong things and yea , basically it has been a shit life throughout.

Why why why ? Why so pessimistic. Why why why?

Oh well , that's me what.

2008-12-24T22:38:00.001-08:00

have a real bad headache now and what's next?
probably gonna be sick soon. oh welllllll

2008-12-21T11:41:00.001-08:00

Its 3.38a.m. I can't sleep. Ponder , ponder and pondering.
Sometime you feel that you're a failure cause things got bad because of you.
Sometime you hope that you should do better so that things will never happen.
Sometime you hope to slap yourself in front of the mirror , telling yourself to wake up.
Sometime you feel that you shouldn't have bring shit to others' life.
Many times, we can't help with it although its said to be sometime.

2008-12-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

i miss you , darling back home please.

your hug , your laughter , your smile , your kiss and you. more of you.

Come back and let me see you.

2008-12-15T08:24:00.001-08:00

bid , its goodbye

2008-12-14T10:25:00.000-08:00

smile smile (;

2008-12-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

by wk to you.
This is my promise and that is for you,
I hope our journey goes far , our love follows,
all the negatives i made,i abandon aside,
all the positive i gave,i put it all , put it all to you
The only thing i can say to you know
its the three magic words
lets turn the words into real magic
lets turn the magic into our love
lets transform the love into you and me

:)

2008-12-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

..... ....... ....... ... ...... .......

2008-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Sometime nobody understands why you care. Sometime nobody understands why you ask. Sometime when i feel down , i felt that i would rather go to sleep and never wake up. So that brains stop working , heart stops feeling.

2008-12-11T08:45:00.001-08:00

lets walk through the bumpy one , step by step , hand in hand, someday we will find "our" happiness, abandon all sadness and troubles.
There can be miracle, when we believe

2008-12-10T09:21:00.001-08:00

Reminder

Please click on the advertisement Above please!

Thank you!

2008-12-10T09:08:00.001-08:00

Human have flaws , you and me. It really depends on how well you conceal or counteract it. Nevertheless, i believe that someday , we can turn our flaw into our greatest strength.

You've the cutest and sweetest smile
You give the greatest hug
You look the best to me whenever you smile
You are the one i dote
You are more than what words can describe
Yes, You are me and I'm you. I want to feel your emotion , accompany you through times of emotions roller-coaster.

i miss you.

2008-12-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

let me play a role in your life. i will do it well

2008-12-07T21:27:00.001-08:00

Then? Like what ?

2008-12-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

Click on my nuffnang ad above ok? I love you all! One click per person , from the traffic count i believe i will love you guys even more!

2008-12-06T20:25:00.001-08:00

i miss you, dearly.

2008-12-06T07:33:00.000-08:00

I'm still sorry that i've made you sad or causing any unintended emotion change on you. sorry.

2008-12-06T07:11:00.001-08:00

please. All my friends. click on the nuffnang ads if you love me. the more you click the more i love you.

2008-12-06T03:49:00.001-08:00

im sorry.

i know to love someone is to make them happy.
have i done it? now i know. its the mistakes all I've made. really sorry

2008-12-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

i like to

listen to your voice and laughter
look into your eyes
feel your presence

your are more than you think you are. really.

yea,starting to miss you already.

2008-11-30T08:41:00.000-08:00

its sunday night. Everything seems to be piling up. After monday , i hope things should be settled already.

1. Survey questionaire to be settled and completed by Monday
2. PEST scanning for myself to be completed by monday

Ok after tonight , i'm a free bird once again

you are somehow part of my life already and i don't think life's not gonna be the same without you.each and everyday you get all the 'misses" from me,all that you got , were all heartfelt words. never doubt about it.

2008-11-28T20:45:00.001-08:00

if my mood doesn't roll coaster. if i can happy everyday

yes. if

2008-11-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever regret something you have done that can't be undone?
Have you ever struck in the middle of the road,pondering if you are to cross or to die?
Have you ever wonder what the person you care for is thinking and doing?
Have you ever tried to be someone just to adapt and fit into an environment or a situation?
Have you ever skeptic about yourself - your ability

I have it all , at once.

I never wanted to be a perfectionist but throughout my life , i always wanted to attain perfectionism. I know its contradicting , but to some extent , i don't have the perfectionist's characteristics yet i always wanted to be ahead of others(not being competitive) , i always listen to critiques and slowly improve on it.I always wanted to be the best and never failed to learn new things beyond what I've been learning in schools , however , i realized i far from perfection.

But in the past , i thought i was one , but after all the shit life i have been through all these while , i realized , yea , indeed its still and will be a long and winding journey to it. Please let me grow.

A random thought , i kinda miss vocal lesson , yea i know i haven't be revealing it before to anyone else except for my family and probably a few random friends, but yea , i really miss vocal lesson , although classes had been always about singing scales and scales and more scales , solfege and more of it , but doing things that you enjoy the most , the feeling is . woola. but yea, wait til I'm financially capable yet again.i'm wondering huimin is singing in which pub/bar now.

look into your eyes,it leads me to happiness,sensing your presence,i gain security,seeing you smile,it makes me feel that its all worth it.

ciao. macham like a female blog

stop

2008-11-27T03:50:00.000-08:00

i have never come across a time that my heart is calling me to be unhappy and my brain is signaling my heart to explain why its unhappy. then my brain constantly reminds and telling me it. Sometime my heart got heavier and my brain signals my nerves to sit or squat down at the middle of the road.

Yea.
Brain and heart , why are you two talking to one another. stop chatting please

2008-11-26T06:49:00.001-08:00

The quiz is really accurate except for the part that says about my views on the type of job.

i miss you

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2008-11-22T07:03:00.000-08:00

i thank you for appearing.
and then i realized i can't give anything.
and i think i know what you want more.
perhaps

2008-11-21T20:13:00.000-08:00

not implying anything to anyone or something.

just feel that or rather now than i realized single fate comes by once,it'll never be back. how true isn't it.

anyways, dear classmates, i'm abit tired of being hahaha in class already. cuz i tried to hard. yea. shuxian i told you that on msn. haha

ciao

2008-11-18T06:27:00.000-08:00

although i know that what should be mentioned, i had done it. but I'm still puzzled and confused. but its ok. (: still , a lot of things can't be mentioned here already. time to change blog. perhaps

2008-11-15T10:59:00.000-08:00

stop thinking. go to sleep weekok. yea.

2008-11-15T04:41:00.000-08:00

I hope my guess is right. And i hope that things go my way. And i hope that you know all along , i only feel like talking to you and my blog is talking about you.